Chaos

It’s been 2 weeks since my last post. Life has been non-stop, I tell ya! My car suddenly died after a fulfilling 9 years of life. After a painful 8 hours spent at the car dealership, I got myself a purrty new car! 

The following day, I had my port placement procedure. Holy discomfort! My neck vein was in so much pain afterwards. It still isn’t fully recovered. The home nurse came to my house the next day to go over the “how to’s” on everything. Next thing you know, I’m giving myself my own infusions. I’m PRACTICALLY a doctor now! Ain’t no thang! 

The first week with my port in, I had 4 really good days. I took my girls to school, I ran errands, I went for walks, I helped make dinner and I took a couple Fusion Barre classes. I felt normal. I felt good!

Things took a turn for the worse last Monday. Sunday, I met with a Fusion client whose boyfriend is battling Lyme Disease. When I got home from meeting with them, I felt like I had been hit by a bus. I anticipated the aching feeling to go away but it never did. I met my sisters at Fusion Monday morning knowing I’d give a pathetic performance - sorry Darby! I did my best then went home and took the longest shower ever. I was slowly fading. 

I didn’t know what to think of the situation. I knew I was exhausted and that my head hurt. My chest hurt but it was probably the port. My mom and I met for lunch then decided to go to the ER to get everything checked out. The ER doctor met with me right away. He said it was too early for any clots to be in my chest, neck or head and that my port looked good. I wasn’t running a fever so he wasn’t concerned of an infection. He said it was most likely the Lyme that was causing me to feel crummy and to go home and rest. Cool - I’m used to those kinds of answers. I rested Monday, just like the doctor ordered. 

Tuesday I woke up much later than usual. My mom had already taken my girls to school and was driving to St. Joseph, Missouri to visit my grandmother. My dad was working from home in the morning since the home nurse was coming to the house. I took a quick shower and consumed all my medicine before the nurse arrived. As frightening as it sounds, I do not remember the nurse coming to my house. Apparently, she came to the house and talked to my dad and I for about 30 minutes before I blacked out. I was going upstairs for some reason and fell down the stairs - breaking stair spindles on the way down. I was unresponsive and purple. The paramedics came to the house and took me to Menorah. My oldest sister, Sally, came to the house as they were bringing me out on the stretcher. My dad rode with me in the ambulance while Sally stayed and locked up the house. 

I woke up in the ER room later. My middle sister, Kim, and dad were looking at me. They looked concerned. Kim asked me if I knew where I was… She asked if I knew what happened. The lights in the room were so bright I had to shut my eyes. What was going on? I had no idea. I opened my eyes and started crying. I was here yesterday. Am I dreaming right now? What are all those loud sounds? My dad told me I blacked out and that he and the home nurse had to call 911. I didn’t know who he was talking about. I don’t remember meeting the home nurse. I lay there, numb, listening to my family tell me what happened. I wanted to surrender to Lyme Disease right then and there. I was done. No more damn it! I’m sick of it! 

The doctor admitted me since I was running a fever and so fatigued. Kim spent the night with me the first night. We snacked on yummy snacks (stuff my mom and the Lyme-diet wouldn’t approve of) and cried our hearts out. It felt good to cry with someone instead of alone. The second night, my dad stayed with me. I kept telling him to go home but am so glad that he persisted on staying. Hospital rooms can be so depressing… My last day in the hospital was Thanksgiving. Our family picture this year is the 3 of us, in a hospital bed - much different than previous years pictures being posted in front of a front door or sitting on a staircase. 

My doctor thinks the black out was my body’s reaction to the “kill off” from the Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever. She thinks the fever, fatigue and headache are a herxheimer reaction to the treatment for Lyme. Neither the “kill off” or the herxheimer reaction are comforting conclusions for Tuesday’s incident. Nevertheless, that’s the answer. I used to teach preschool - like we always told our kiddos, “You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit!”

In spite of all the “shit” Lyme seems to be tossing my way lately, I’m trying my best to stay optimistic. I want to get dressed up and go out on a Friday or Saturday night. I want to feel admired again by someone of the opposite sex. I want a glass of wine! I want to feel pretty again. These are stupid and silly things, I know, but I long for them! I so long for them! 

You don’t realize how much of your life has been stolen until you start reflecting. I can’t reflect a lot because it hurts too much. Reflecting makes me sad but it also makes me really angry. I took my health and happiness for granted. I thought I was invincible - nothing could kidnap my health from me! Advice from your Limey Liz friend (thanks for the nickname Amanda) - Take nothing for granted!

Over and out my people!