Seizures & Birthday Wishes

Thursday morning, my alarm rang at 6:00 AM. Shortly after, my mom came in the room with all my morning meds. I took my medicine and went back to sleep. I woke up around 9:00 feeling somewhat normal. My sister and I met at Tomahawk Trail and walked before taking a noon Fusion class. I knew I was doing a lot but I didn’t care. I wanted to go to Fusion. I needed Fusion. I used to go to Fusion every single day. Fusion has always been my outlet - my happy place - my therapy. No longer having Fusion in my life has been a big ass bummer! BIG ASS - as in, my ass is getting huge! The noon class was only 45 minutes long. I lasted 30 minutes… I left the studio with purple lips, purple fingers and purple toes. I cried the entire way home. Where did my energy go? What’s happened to me? I’m so disappointed. 

I spent the rest of the afternoon in bed. I had plans to meet friends at North for dinner but I had to cancel. I couldn’t move… My body ached and it hurt to breathe. I was slowly fading. I joined my family in the kitchen, only to find myself horizontal on the couch. My right arm went limp. I felt like my entire body was folding in half. I couldn’t breathe. My legs stopped working. I looked at my mom and said 911. I was positive I was dying. I could feel my heart slowing down. I looked at my girls as if it were the last time I’d see them. My dad carried me from the kitchen to the car. I don’t remember the entire drive to the ER. I was immediately put on oxygen and got an IV. I was struggling to breathe on my own. My body was clenched so tight I needed muscle relaxers. My body was shaking maniacally. My tongue wasn’t operating. I couldn’t speak. My eyes wouldn’t open. All I could hear were voices - nurses, doctors and my dad! People were asking my dad questions because I was unable to talk. My dad was upset. I could hear distress in his voice. He was crying. Why is this happening to me? I’m not the only one in pain - my family is now suffering. I’m ashamed and sorry. 

I left the ER late Thursday night after what the doctor called, an atypical seizure. One of the co-infections I have, Babesia, destroys red blood cells (red blood cells carry oxygen to the cells). Continued oxygen deprivation is the cause of my seizures. When I got home, I was drained. I wanted my bed and cuddles with my girls. I wanted to trade my body in for a healthy one. I wanted to be normal again. I was scared and frustrated. I didn’t have any fight left. I was OVER IT! Lights off - blanket over head. 

Avery’s dad and I took her to the movie Trolls on Saturday late morning. I guzzled Diet Coke and forced myself to stay awake the entire hour-and-a-half. When the movie ended, I felt sluggish. My legs felt like jello and I was incredibly tired. The 3 of us were supposed to spend the day together but I needed my bed and my electrolyte drink. I felt so pathetic and unproductive. I hated to miss out on Avery’s birthday weekend. 

Sunday, Avery had a birthday party at Pinot’s Palette. I was fearful I’d feel too puny to go but luckily that wasn’t the case. She and her friends painted, ate cake and opened presents. During cake time, Avery pulled me aside and asked if she could reveal her wish. I told her absolutely. She told me she wished I’d be healed before Christmas. I wanted to cry. My sweet Avery! She will forever impress me. My darling girl spent her ONE wish on me! 

“I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always. As long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be!”