Happy Halloween!

The realization of my diagnosis is starting to settle in and I’m finding myself feeling deflated and anxious. This disease has affected more than just my health. My mom has taken over a large amount of my mommy duties. My girls go to my mom before they come to me if they need something. Any relationships that were “in the making” before my illness plummeted are obviously “no longer”. My friendships seem to be on hold these days. I’m no longer on the call list when a friend wants to go out and be social. Everyone assumes I’m sick in bed… And to be honest, they’re usually right. 

This disease is isolating and helpless. There’s no pattern to the symptoms, no warning signs before you turn into a puny, miserable person incapable of doing anything but lie there and breathe… It’s the disease’s world and you’re living in it. You have no idea what the next hour will bring. You live in the now and take full advantage of the good days because you never know how long it’ll be until you get another one. 

I’ve turned into the Energizer Bunny on days when I have my strength. There’s always so much to be done. Part of the day is spent catching up on last week's chores that never got completed - the other half of the day is spent prepping for the next few days.

Part of why I wanted to blog about my health journey is because I want to find answers and solutions to my problems. I don’t think I’m doomed. I think I have a long road ahead of me… But I don’t think I’ll be miserable forever. 

I’m ready to get the “old me” back. I’m going to welcome that bitch with wide open arms and give her the biggest damn hug. 

Until then... I'm going to be THAT parent who drives alongside their walking children as they trick-or-treat. Happy Halloween!


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